Hiatus.

I’m taking a tumblr hiatus. I’m unsure how long it will be.. It could be just a few days, or could be a long time until I figure myself out. I don’t want to do this, as I love this blog (even with how random and off topic it can be) and I love my followers, but I feel a hiatus would be best for me.

I doubt anyone will read this but.. I feel simultaneously the very worst and the very best I’ve ever felt in regards to my kinky side, and my submissive side.

I’m struggling with some big things.. My kinks and desires are evolving rapidly, but too much too fast. I no longer want to be brought to the edge anymore, it seems I want to be dropped over the edge and kicked and beaten and killed, and then somehow brought back. I feel I’m at a crossroads: I accept the sickest, darkest, most fucked up part of me.. I accept that I’m ‘broken.’ Or I turn the other way, I forget about those dark parts, I don’t cross the line between identifying as kinky and just plain sick.

However.. I don’t want either of those paths. I want the middle path. But the problem is that I don’t see the road right now.. I’m stuck.

But I want to be my little self, I want to be my normal vanilla world self (just living like a human being should), I want my kinky self, AND I want to be able to accept and learn to come to terms with the inhumane, depraved, self-abusive, part of myself. That last part is still ‘kinky’ but.. Its really bordering. Its hardly kinky, its.. almost suicidal, the things I want. Mental and physical.. I don’t know if that makes sense. I don’t have the words to accurately describe how I feel.

I seem to be fetishizing my own problems, and being more turned on than ever. And being turned on by others doing it to me, or thinking about others doing it to me. But Im doing it without really wanting to. I don’t want my hard past, my self harm, my anxiety, my bouts of depression, my LIFE, to be turned into kink. To be degraded. To be used as a fetish for how someone gets off. For how I get off! I’m not in this, I’m not kinky, to EXACERBATE those parts of myself, I’m in it to heal those parts. To gain confidence. To be intimate. Thus far, I’ve succeeded in doing that, I’ve been happier and more stable than ever before.

But now.. I have this monster inside me. That’s flipping it around and doing the exact opposite of that. Its taking my emotional pain and problems, the weaker parts of me, and using them against me to create fantasies about how I’m a useless/worthless (insert whatever you can think of here) and deserve to be raped, hurt, abused, killed, starved, tortured, whatever else you can think of) and that’s all I’ll ever be. How because a parent died in my life I’ll always be a messed up little (insert whatever degrading term you can think of here). Or because I’ve been depressed my lack of self-esteem means I’m only good for using. Etc. These types of thoughts combined with unrealistic fantasies of dangerous harmful scenes. Or its just thoughts of truly having no life outside of being a slave. Its all getting too real for me.. I won’t go on since I can’t really pinpoint exactly what it is or any specific fantasies.. Its just an overall feeling.

I’m familiar with degradation fetishes, as I have many of them.. But this is different. Just feels different.. I can’t explain..

I’m having great difficulty accepting those fantasies.. When I try to, and succeed for a moment, I feel incredibly free, and even strong.. But then I just go right back to feeling sick to my stomach.

Maybe I’m having a real problem separating fantasy from reality? Maybe I’m viewing everything as too real? Maybe I’m afraid of getting really hurt, physically or mentally, from doing those things, maybe I’m afraid someone will hurt me? Maybe I’m afraid I’ll mentally breakdown?

All I know is that my mind and body are betraying each other with separate desires and its not in a fun hot way. It just sucks.

I don’t know.. I’ve never ever in my life felt like I needed to purge myself of my kink, of my submission. But I spent all last night crying and feeling disgusted at myself and all of my kink.. Like I don’t know who I am anymore.

…Cant I have that part of myself without having to identify as wholly ‘broken’ or ‘unrepairable’? Why is it that the people, especially the dominants, who want to do those types of things to people like me, are bordering on misogyny, and don’t seem to have a grip on reality or how to care for a sub? That approach to D/s goes against everything I stand for in kink: trust, equality, compassion, intimacy, care, love, safety. This part of myself forces me to throw all of that out the window.. And I hate it.

This isn’t a cute kinky hot game for me, my submissive side makes up a majority of who I am. Its all very real. I’m naturally submissive and naturally kinky.. If I don’t figure this out, I dunno what I’ll do. My entire identity will change..

The reason this has to do with Tumblr is because once in a while I come across a blog that caters to that side of me and I just flip out. I flip out and yet I can’t stop staring and reading. I want it but at the same time it makes me sick to myself and sick at them for not including the reality of BDSM into their blog/fantasies (aftercare, D/s basics or info, etc). Its just pure fantasy that for them, is reality. Or they are pretending they can get away with it being their reality.

And all of these blogs are like this. And its not just dominants, its subs too. So why? Why are they saying that people like me are beyond ‘repair?’ Is it about competition? Do they see themselves as better than everyone else who’s kinky because they’re the most ‘hardcore’ and act like they’re not even a person, just a thing? Does them fetishizing real suffering, like real rape or abuse, make them ‘hardcore’ or just wrong in how they’re going about their kink? And if I’m turned on by it, what does that mean for me? Do I have to let my kinks define my strength as a person? My independence as a free person? My ability to make choices? The side of myself that wants to be treated like a human?

There’s too many unanswered questions, and I’m extremely confused within myself..

How does everyone else deal with it? I’m certain I’m not alone.. If anyone has advice or support, I’d appreciate it. I’ll come back here today, maybe tomorrow, to check.. If no one can help me, or if I don’t have some sort of revelation on how to simultaneously embrace and live with this side of myself.. Well then, I dunno what I’ll do.

I’m a person. That’s the reality of it, that’s the reality of D/s. And people need more than to just be used. Thats why aftercare exists, thats why safewords exist, that’s why Doms are caregivers (and if your dom isn’t trying to care and look out for you, you’ve probably got a crappy dom).

I need to not let this reality leave me, if I’m going to embrace these darker thoughts..

The good part is that I know my Daddy will never harm me.. And will always do whats best for me. I’m very comforted by this.. but at the same time I weirdly just want to know he’s as sick as me.. or capable of doing these types of things to me.. I’m not sure why.. It’s confusing. But I feel very close to him from all these feelings.. because HE is the one I imagine doing it all with. HE is the only one. And I know him.. I know how much he cares about me. So I know he’d never truly think of me in such horrible ways.. He could always bring me back to life.. 

Anyway, that’s all.. Thanks everyone.

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(Source: pastel-whorehouse)

1 week ago
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(Source: myuntitledfetish)

1 week ago
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Spring of Birth

I CAN FINALLY WATCH THE PERSONA3 MOVIESSS AHHHH 

Starting the first one and I’ve got snacks! Ah yea, full on nerd mode :P 

Anonymous sent: Would you care if your little girl made more money than you or would it bother you?

daddyofbunny:

missprincessknickers:

mykittenzdaddy:

daddyslittledreamer:

naughtylittlethoughts:

chaoticrambler:

missprincessknickers:

dreamiedaddy:

Depends on how much more. If it was just $200 or less a pay check it would not both me too much. However if it was significantly more than me it would kind of bother me honestly. As I feel I am supposed to be the provider. Not the only provider, but the main provider. So it would be kind of a difficult pill to swallow for me and I think a lot of Daddies. However with her encouragement that it was okay, then over time it might not bother me as much. But would still strive to get a better paying job. 

Hello misogyny, my old friend, I’m here to roll my eyes at you again??

Woooooooow. It’s a wonder he’s single!  naughtylittlethoughts

Sounds like an ego problem

As someone who has known DreamieDaddy for almost two years now, and dated him for a year and a half, I feel like I know him very well and can speak to his character. 

It is no secret that DreamieDaddy and I broke up while ago, but we ended on a good note, and still keep in contact somewhat, when I saw that people were responding so negatively to one of his Anons, I felt like I should step in to say something. 

The question the Anon asked him was for his OPINION. And he answered it as such. While I would agree with the criticism given that in general the idea of a man wanting to make more than a woman is rather outdated, that is not actually what he said. What DreamieDaddy said was that he would not be fully comfortable with his little making considerably more money than him, because he feels that as the Daddy in the relationship he should play the role of the provider. 
At NO POINT did he say that he would discourage his little from taking a higher paying job, or make her quit. What he did say was that he would either work with her to become more comfortable with her making more than him, or he would try to pursue a different job with higher pay. I’m sorry, but I do not see where that makes him a misogynist. He is simply answering the question openly and honestly, which, I think, is something a lot of people like about his blog and what he posts.

When DreamieDaddy and I were together, he was my Daddy and I was his babygirl. Even though most of our interactions were influenced to some extent by that dynamic He did not at any point act like he was superior to me, and I never felt like he considered me to be less than him or looked down on me for anything, especially not the fact that I happen to be a woman. Even now that we are not together he has never looked down on me or acted superior. 

Perhaps his response could have been worded better, though honestly I don’t see how. I think the real issue is people who are too quick to jump at anything they perceive as being even close to a possible injustice. Perhaps acting first out of understanding and compassion would be a better choice than out of judgement and anger, that’s how real positive change might start to happen… but that’s just my opinion. 

Perhaps pointing out misogynistic roots of his attitude can be done in a more gentle way… but if this idea is actually quite common to “daddies” (and I’m sure it is, and to men in general) you can surely see why the first thought is to eyeroll.

And it *is* misogynistic. Certainly it is in general. The notion that men ‘ought’ to make more is nurtured by the historical fact that they do, and is the sort of attitude that makes this fact not simply stuck in the past. 

A “good daddy” (permit me to be a little normative) should be fucking pissed that he has better than a coin toss’s odds of making more money than his partner. Capitalism and misogyny are on the same team, and you want to be on the other team.

But even more so, with a submissive partner, there is a lot more at play. One must reflect, and ask the self, “Self, if she is submitting to me, why would I want capitalism to help my dominance?” Like, I think it’s fine if a couple includes finances within the realm of what is subject to their D/s. If the two of you wanted her income to go into an account from which you made the spending decisions or gave an allowance, whatever, go nuts you crazy kids.

But, introspect - why would it bother you if the money she brought in dwarfed yours? Why are you looking to systematics, to brute fact, to reinforce your dynamic?

It’s well worth being acutely aware of the historical subjugation via infantilization that has been used against women. It was a really big thing. (For white women anyway - it at least gives them a way to have to some prestige, and WoC aren’t really afforded a “purity” and “meekness” virtue.) Fetishes like these (which I obviously share, check it) don’t spring from nowhere. So, you gotta check yourself. 

tldr, if your notion of personal masculinity, dominance or authority is in bed with structural pay inequality, you’ve got a misogyny, and it’s ok to say “I’m in the process of fixing my misogyny” but step 1 is recognition. 

It genuinely makes my entire week when someone manages to express my feelings on a subject better than I can verbalise them myself.

I always shake my head at these posts. An opinion is expressed, and everyone yells “misogyny!” No one ever bothers to consider the intent, the why behind these instances. Personally, I can empathize with the OP. Is it so bad to want to be able to protect, shield, and care for your little? Yes, that is EXACTLY what we are talking about. Why is that so bad? Fuck neo-feminism. It killed chivalry.

Reblogging to add everyones different opinions. 

1 week ago
102 notes
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princess-muffinette:

littleprincessaubrey:

I put together Cinderellas’ carriage last night so now my Lego castle is complete :)

Eee. I want a Lego castle and carriage.

1 week ago
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Panda Express is my favorite food.. Seriously
high resolution →

Panda Express is my favorite food.. Seriously

Anonymous sent: Would you care if your little girl made more money than you or would it bother you?

missprincessknickers:

mykittenzdaddy:

daddyslittledreamer:

naughtylittlethoughts:

chaoticrambler:

missprincessknickers:

dreamiedaddy:

Depends on how much more. If it was just $200 or less a pay check it would not both me too much. However if it was significantly more than me it would kind of bother me honestly. As I feel I am supposed to be the provider. Not the only provider, but the main provider. So it would be kind of a difficult pill to swallow for me and I think a lot of Daddies. However with her encouragement that it was okay, then over time it might not bother me as much. But would still strive to get a better paying job. 

Hello misogyny, my old friend, I’m here to roll my eyes at you again??

Woooooooow. It’s a wonder he’s single!  naughtylittlethoughts

Sounds like an ego problem

As someone who has known DreamieDaddy for almost two years now, and dated him for a year and a half, I feel like I know him very well and can speak to his character. 

It is no secret that DreamieDaddy and I broke up while ago, but we ended on a good note, and still keep in contact somewhat, when I saw that people were responding so negatively to one of his Anons, I felt like I should step in to say something. 

The question the Anon asked him was for his OPINION. And he answered it as such. While I would agree with the criticism given that in general the idea of a man wanting to make more than a woman is rather outdated, that is not actually what he said. What DreamieDaddy said was that he would not be fully comfortable with his little making considerably more money than him, because he feels that as the Daddy in the relationship he should play the role of the provider. 
At NO POINT did he say that he would discourage his little from taking a higher paying job, or make her quit. What he did say was that he would either work with her to become more comfortable with her making more than him, or he would try to pursue a different job with higher pay. I’m sorry, but I do not see where that makes him a misogynist. He is simply answering the question openly and honestly, which, I think, is something a lot of people like about his blog and what he posts.

When DreamieDaddy and I were together, he was my Daddy and I was his babygirl. Even though most of our interactions were influenced to some extent by that dynamic He did not at any point act like he was superior to me, and I never felt like he considered me to be less than him or looked down on me for anything, especially not the fact that I happen to be a woman. Even now that we are not together he has never looked down on me or acted superior. 

Perhaps his response could have been worded better, though honestly I don’t see how. I think the real issue is people who are too quick to jump at anything they perceive as being even close to a possible injustice. Perhaps acting first out of understanding and compassion would be a better choice than out of judgement and anger, that’s how real positive change might start to happen… but that’s just my opinion. 

Perhaps pointing out misogynistic roots of his attitude can be done in a more gentle way… but if this idea is actually quite common to “daddies” (and I’m sure it is, and to men in general) you can surely see why the first thought is to eyeroll.

And it *is* misogynistic. Certainly it is in general. The notion that men ‘ought’ to make more is nurtured by the historical fact that they do, and is the sort of attitude that makes this fact not simply stuck in the past. 

A “good daddy” (permit me to be a little normative) should be fucking pissed that he has better than a coin toss’s odds of making more money than his partner. Capitalism and misogyny are on the same team, and you want to be on the other team.

But even more so, with a submissive partner, there is a lot more at play. One must reflect, and ask the self, “Self, if she is submitting to me, why would I want capitalism to help my dominance?” Like, I think it’s fine if a couple includes finances within the realm of what is subject to their D/s. If the two of you wanted her income to go into an account from which you made the spending decisions or gave an allowance, whatever, go nuts you crazy kids.

But, introspect - why would it bother you if the money she brought in dwarfed yours? Why are you looking to systematics, to brute fact, to reinforce your dynamic?

It’s well worth being acutely aware of the historical subjugation via infantilization that has been used against women. It was a really big thing. (For white women anyway - it at least gives them a way to have to some prestige, and WoC aren’t really afforded a “purity” and “meekness” virtue.) Fetishes like these (which I obviously share, check it) don’t spring from nowhere. So, you gotta check yourself. 

tldr, if your notion of personal masculinity, dominance or authority is in bed with structural pay inequality, you’ve got a misogyny, and it’s ok to say “I’m in the process of fixing my misogyny” but step 1 is recognition. 

It genuinely makes my entire week when someone manages to express my feelings on a subject better than I can verbalise them myself.

1 week ago
102 notes
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high resolution →

(Source: fappuclno)

1 week ago
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sara-meow:

kittensplaypenshop:

Customizable ball gags available as promised! Currently offering pink and black balls,but will order other colours upon request! :) You can also add roses and studs here if you’d like! 

Tagging in crafts then deleting.

Omg that spider gag. 

I HAVE A GINORMOUS NEEEEEED 

1 week ago
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Me: I should do something with my life
Me: *opens tumblr*

1 week ago
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slutdust:

glowcloud:

hiphopfrightsplaque:

"We live in a world where losing your phone is more dramatic than losing your virginity"

Um ok but I don’t recall my virginity having 16 GB of memory with all my contacts, music, photos, calendars, and apps or costing over $200.

my phone is an expensive and important material object and not a useless social construct put in place to shame and commodify women

Plus I remember where I lost my virginity.

(Source: hiphopfightsplaque)

1 week ago
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littlestloulou:

nymphetfashion:

DADDY’S GIRLCRY BABY VELVET SUGAR DRESSES

Omg!!! I want them both!! 😍 do they come in chubby?!

1 week ago
315 notes
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meritones:

Don’t let the media warp your perception of beauty. Beauty is pizza. 

LOL WAS NOT EXPECTING. 

1 week ago
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